I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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