ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Michael Bay diarrhea
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
