He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize