It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
