I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
