I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
