So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
