i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
