I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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