and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
