Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
