How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
