shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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