if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
