he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
