i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
