I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
