You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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