I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
