i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
