Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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