his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
