I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
