Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
