Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
