So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
