I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I believe in your delicious
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
