please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
