im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
