lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
