he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
