So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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