I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Found the puke drawer
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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