two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
