I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
