Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
