Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
