fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
