currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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