My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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