You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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