4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
