i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
