The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
