Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
