I swear she didn't look like that last week.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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