4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
