Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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