I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
