Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
