I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize