I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize