; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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