I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
