Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize