some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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