I am puke
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So here I am, sexting at work.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
