thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
