My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
