Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
