I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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