Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
