he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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