I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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