He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
