I murdered the dance floor call the cops
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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