It was confusing and full of hummus
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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