It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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