Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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