just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
