I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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