Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize