Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Randomize
