Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
