I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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