I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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