So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize