I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
did you just send me my own nude
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
