when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize