I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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