She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
