I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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