his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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