rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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