Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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